Clockwork
by Tobias Kami
Summary: Tobias doesn't know why he flew to Jake's house that night, only that he did. And now he's there every night, watching over their leader, and knowing he's falling hard. But whose name does Jake keep whispering?


_Author's Notes__: Hello everyone. I've always been a big fan of this series, and a fan of writing, so I decided to give this a try. Please review and let me know how I did, and what you think. This is my first fic, so I'm always looking to improve my writing. Thanks! _

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Jake or Tobias, or any of the Animorphs. Sadly, they belong to K.A Applegate. All characters belong to her, the ideas are mine.

"Clockwork"

It had started simply enough. A warm fall night where not even the heaviness of fresh kill, a hare, could help him fall asleep. With a sigh, Tobias had pushed off from his comfortable perch, flapping hard before the billowing thermal caught him and lifted him into the sky.

The sky was black, inky in depth. There was nothing but quiet here, in his meadow, so far from the glaring lights and smoky fumes that clung to the city like a blanket, day or night. A strong gust threaded through his wing feathers, making them ripple smoothly, a chocolate and white mix hidden by darkness.

He didn't particularly know where he was going. He briefly thought about going to visit Ax. It wouldn't be too hard to convince the Andalite to watch TV with him. Ax was addicted to commercials; could quote them from memory better than the commentators themselves. Tobias smiled to himself, his keen eyes still focused ahead and his beak permanently set in a frown. He liked Ax.

He could go to Rachel. His heart skipped a beat when he thought about it. His mind became flooded with sadness, which caused his hawk brain to rear up in confusion. They were fed, it wasn't mating season, the hawk reasoned, there was no reason for it not to be content. Tobias shook his head; he couldn't deal with her blue eyes tonight. Not her pleading accusatory eyes every time he changed back to the hawk that he now was.

Tobias was startled out of his thoughts when the roof of a very familiar house flooded his sight. He landed a bit more clumsily than he usually did, grasping onto the branch of a tree by the side of the house. He paused for a minute, listening intently for even the near silent approach of owls that might be hungry for a hawk out past his bedtime. When his heart slowed to the normal fluttering he was used to, he turned finally to stare intently at the house in front of him.

Jake's house.

As his eyes became accustomed to the street-light lit night, Tobias could see into the open window, and into the room. Jake was there, on his bed. But he wasn't sleeping either. Tobias had to crush the instinct to rush into the bedroom. Jake's normally pale face was flushed, the brown hair framing his face sticky with sweat. His face was twisted with something that at first looked like pain, but, Tobias quickly realized was not. The blankets slid down Jake's waist, finally revealing the teen's furiously working hands to his embarrassed onlooker.

The hawk stared, furious at himself for being unable to look away as Jake's hands moved methodically up and down his cock, caressing every inch of skin, twirling around the leaking head. He watched, almost hypnotized by the small gasps and slight panting that leaked from the window. Tobias felt his feathers fluff up for no apparent reason, and he shook himself slightly, as if against the cold.

It wasn't the first time that he had watched something like this. Ax's modifications to their satellite at the Scoop gave them access to, as Marco was fond of saying "every channel in the universe". That included porn channels, which they had stumbled upon while channel surfing one day there had been nothing interesting on the normal channels. Ax had insisted on watching them for at least a week straight to educate himself on human practices. Tobias, not to be robbed of TV, had joined him, naturally hesitant at first. He found that even as a hawk, he got a pleasant shock down his spine every time one of the male models turned from the girl, or guy, he was with, and stared straight into the camera with a knowing smirk. He had laughed then, at the irony that there had been some truth to the slurs that the bullies at his old high school had screamed as they shoved his head down the toilet again and again.

Still, the feelings he had gotten from those videos he'd watched with Ax were nothing compared to the raw confusion and lust he felt right now, staring at Jake through his window. This felt more personal, more terrifying. He watched for a few minutes more, eyes widening when Jake let out a cry he couldn't quite make out, and with a few sharp tugs came in white streams all over his exposed chest.

Tobias stayed in that tree for a good ten minutes afterward; watching as Jake finally rolled over and fell into a deep sleep. He was paralyzed by the thought of what he'd just done; terrified that he might be caught, and sure, completely sure, that Jake had called out a name as he came. And it hadn't been Cassie.

He started coming to see Jake every night they didn't have a mission together. Sometimes, Jake would be asleep, and Tobias would be happy to study the contours of Jake's face, softened by sleep from their near natural state of worry. He would watch Jake's chest rise and fall, sometimes underneath blankets, and other times not, and would be filled with relief that they were both still alive. Sometimes, Jake would be awake, and Tobias would watch him then too. Trying but failing each time to catch the name falling from his lips; too scared to come closer, for fear of being seen.

In the day, while planning missions, and discussing the Yeerks' next move, Tobias found himself studying Jake more as well. Here was this kid; he thought with awe as he kept lookout on his favorite perch in the stables; still in high school, leading a guerilla war against an Empire greater than all of them. Here was this kid, who fought tooth and nail every battle, who made decisions most people don't have to face in their lifetimes in the blink of an eye.

This was the same guy that had saved Tobias from the bullies at school when he was the new kid. And yet, he was different now. Changed. They all were. And yet, Tobias could still see that same strong, gentle and caring guy in front of him now. And when he saw the tired dark circles under Jake's eyes at the meetings from the restless nightmare filled nights, Tobias wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold Jake and tell him that it was going to be alright.

It was a night after a vicious battle they had barely managed to run away from on amputated stumps. Tobias was tired. He dragged his weary wings through the air, grateful when his mind shut down and his body started doing the work for him. He already knew where to go. It was instinct now.

He perched outside the window, grateful for the worn branch under his talons. Tobias would have to take care not to fall asleep here tonight. He felt ready to drop to the ground, the unforgiving concrete underneath. He gripped the smooth wood more firmly, flinching in surprise at the feel of his sharp talons bumping into each other from his tight grip.

Jake was already in bed. His morphing suit lay haphazardly on the floor next to the bed, near a pile of messily stacked laundry. The moonlight streaming into the room lit up Jake's face. Tobias' heart caught when he saw the look of despair adorning that face. It was clear that Jake was asleep, and having nightmares once again. Tobias turned on his branch, already preparing to leave. He couldn't stand not being able to help Jake, not tonight.

The hawk froze as he heard Jake call out a name.

"Tobias,"

The name hung in the still air of the middle class neighborhood. Tobias whipped his feathered head around, staring in disbelief at his leader. Jake was writhing in his bed now, obviously caught in some horrible dream. He said it again, "Tobias."

The name came out strangled this time, and was followed by a sob. Tobias watched in horror as Jake began to cry in his sleep, eyes darting from side to side under closed eye lids. "You can't die. Please."

The desperation in the final plea had Tobias flapping through Jake's open window before his logical mind could protest. His feathers were still a tattoo-like pattern on his skin as he was crawling into Jake's bed and scooping him into his newly formed arms. Jake was trembling violently in Tobias' arms even as he clung to the warm body next to his with white-knuckled hands. "Jake," Tobias looked down at Jake with eyes that were an eerie mix of his golden hawk eyes and his own brown that resulted from pausing the morph midway, "Jake wake up. I'm here. I'm fine. You're fine. Wake up."

Tobias rocked Jake back and forth, a soft, slow rhythm as he tried to urge the other boy awake. After an agonizing few minutes, warm brown eyes snapped open with something akin to shock in them. Tobias tensed, fully prepared to be yelled at, and thrown from the room. What he didn't expect was for Jake to sob quietly and wrap his arms around him tighter. They lay in silence for a long time.

"Jake?" Tobias finally asked.

"I thought I lost you."

"I can't lose you, Tobias."

Tobias was stunned into silence again. "You would be fine," he found himself saying, his heart sinking at the thought, "You'd still have Cassie, and Marco, and the others. We could keep on fighting."

Jake shook his head, finally looking up at Tobias. "You've never been an idiot, Tobias. You know I wouldn't be fine."

The warm breath from this declaration tickled Tobias' cheeks. He felt his face start to tinge pink, suddenly aware of how close they were. "Why...?" he asked.

Jake sighed, looking a bit lost and apprehensive for a minute. His eyes looked down as if trying to come up with an answer, but failing. "Because. Because of this."

Without a word, Jake leaned over and pressed his lips softly against Tobias'.

Tobias' eyes fluttered closed. The touch was tentative at first, warm and questioning almost as if expecting to be pushed away at any moment. Then they melted against each other, lips dancing. This was natural, as natural as flying. Tobias started when he felt Jake's tongue sneak into his mouth to explore. He tasted of mint, and salt. The taste was heady. They pulled away for air, gasping as the rush of feelings, the slight tremors that still ran up and down their spines even when they had stopped.

Jake fixed Tobias with a stare, capturing him with his gaze. "I saw you watching me, you know."

Tobias' face flamed red. "You…did?"

Jake nodded, starting to flush a bit himself as the implications of what he'd said hit them both. "I never… I mean did you know you might be…?" Tobias tried in vain to ask the question.

Jake bowed his head. Lost in thought again. "It never seemed the right time to think about it."

"We're in a war, Tobias. There was always something more important to worry about than why I kept looking at guys."

Tobias nodded in understanding. They fell into silence again, each deep in their own thoughts, but happy to hold each other.

"So what now?" Tobias asked softly, already dreading the answer.

"We fight." Jake said simply. "You were the first to say it and you were right, Tobias. This is our fight. Our war. It always has been. So now, we keep doing what we've been doing."

Tobias' heart sunk, even though he found himself agreeing with his leader's words. Jake didn't have to explain what was left unsaid… as long they fought this war, they couldn't be together. There would always be something more important.

Tobias leaned away from Jake, shifting until he was almost off the bed, and then slinging his legs off the side. "Hey."

Tobias turned to look at Jake, trying not to let the irrational hurt shine in his mixed eyes. Jake was back to being serious, a hard glimmer in his eyes. The next words came as a complete surprise.

"I want you to keep coming to visit me."

"This war… we're going to fight it together."

He would never be able to tell you why he wasn't able to sleep that warm fall night. Nor would he be able to answer when you asked why he flew to the house he did.

But every night, after gruesome battles, and tests, and parents, every night, you could look into that same window that Tobias spent so long looking into, and you would see not one, but two boys lying in the bed. One, with brown hair, fast asleep, curled up against one with dirty blonde hair, who, wide awake, looked on at his sleeping partner and smiled. Every night. Like clockwork.


End file.
